There are three major components to courtship. Over the next
few weeks we will be going over the 3 vital pieces of courtship to help you
determine if this is the person God is calling you to marry. The first
component is ministry, can you and this young man do God's work together.
Second is family, can you and your families get along with each other. Third,
and most important, is God. The two of you must pray together to determine if
this is the direction God is calling you to.
Before we dive too deep into the components of a courtship, I
would like to identify what courtship is. There are many interpretations of the
term and each of us should determine how we would define courtship. For me, it
is discerning whether God is calling two people into the vocation of marriage
with one another. Through courtship two people may determine that they aren't
meant to be together, one or both may determine that the sacrament of matrimony
isn't for them. Courtship is a period of discernment when all involved need to
openly and prayerfully communicate their thoughts.
So what's the difference between courtship and dating? As I
posted before, lust tends to turn in on itself and love tends to turn out. In
the same way, dating tends to turn in on itself and courtship tends to turn
out. When dating, people will put their best foot forward, be on their best
behavior, and wear the best dress. The couple tends to spend time together
alone. They don't see the other person as they truly are in all of life's messy
situations. We tend to romanticize things instead of being a realist and
identifying the major character flaws with another because we haven't given
ourselves the opportunity to see these moments. Dating can be selfish and push
friends and family out of the picture. One may fall in love with a single
person but in marriage, two families come together.
Courtship encourages the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of
those around us. Seek the counsel of your parents and friends when determining
if this man is the one for you. Often, those closest to us can see the truth
clearly while we are wearing roes colored glasses. We also must make a
conscious effort to see the other person in situations that may not be the most
pleasant. On dates, we put our best foot forward; at family dinner, who knows
what could happen. It is in these moments that we can see how a person handle
stress, what the family dynamic is like, and if we see ourselves going through
daily life with this person.
The number one benefit to courtship is
that it fosters a love relationship rather than a lust relationship. Through
courtship, Christ is thrust to the center because each person recognizes that
is God who brings two people together. Through courtship, friends and family
come together and give their input on the relationship. When two people marry,
it isn't just about those two people, it also about two families becoming one.
Finally, through courtship you can determine if you both can do God's work
together and see how each of you handles tough situations. As someone who has
experience the woes of dating, I think courtships are the way to go. Real life
isn't found in dates, it is found in the day-to-day interactions with friends,
coworkers, and family. Your courtship relationship should model what real life
will be like with the people around you once married.
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